Pizza Cage Match: De Palmas vs. Mellow Mushroom

by T.O. Lawrence
12/12/2007

To begin, there will be rules. These rules exist not to limit what I eat, but they exist rather to expand my ability to judge the little that I can afford to eat. This article has been a gustatory luxury of massive proportions in order to inform as to the tastiest, cheapest and most substantial options for those with only a few dollars to spend. We are those who pay with quarters. We are the...

BROKE WARRIORS!

MISSION OUTLINE:

The budget: $6-8

The food: Pizza and a side salad

The ultimate prize: To get a decent beer with better pizza

The toppings: Whatever the menu/budget/taste allows

Targets: The Mellow Mushroom and De Palmas

EXCURSION 1: Mellow Mushroom

$6.50 in hand, I headed out to the Mellow Mushroom for a welcome repast after eight hours of minimum wage working subsiding on leftover Halloween candy and bagel crumbs. Though Mellow Mushroom has never astounded me with quality, this was a new place with a good beer list so it was to be given a chance. Like a sugar-high golem I wandered in for grease, lots of melty cheese and possibly, a blessed vitamin or two in the form of salad greens.

I was greeted by a fairly friendly staff that seated me quickly. After taking my booth and looking at the menu I was overjoyed to find a massive list of beers on tap. I glossed over the dull regulars of PBR and Highlife and found a rare Rouge: Dead Guy ale and an Oktoberfest Paulaner that made me get on my lederhosen out of season. Alas, the good beers cost $3.50 a piece and I had two Newcastles in my fridge for later anyway.

Foregoing the crown jewel of the establishment, I opted for food to satisfy my sadness. The toppings were many and about $.50 apiece. The premium ones were double the regular price but ranged from barbeque chicken to tempeh. Add this to the base price of about a buck and a half a slice and you get around two hardcore pieces, if you really want to splurge.

But I, being a professional, must try the entire menu and spent about 3.50 on a Caesar salad. The pale iceberg lettuce and over-salty dressing could not satisfy me. Nor the two pitiful tomato slices piled over in mushrooms I asked not to get.

The pizza slice was fairly large, though rather uniformly decorated as I felt obligated to save a dollar for tip and could only afford a single premium topping, but there was plenty of that good BBQ chicken to go around.

The barbeque sauce was a little too sweet, but the chicken was well-made with cheese dripping gooey and hot to the plate. The crust was buttery and soft as a breadstick, a real treat to the buds. Obviously this is a place to look for the basics: beer and grease. Go somewhere else for your greens.

EXCURSION 2: De Palmas

Having just done the laundry, I found that $7.65 had been lost in my pockets and I was looking to spend it. Rumor had it that De Palmas had a special on salad and a slice for lunch and I was looking to see what’s what.

The place itself tries to be casual in spite of itself, confusing good ol’ boy attitude and fancy names for food, they look to cater to the southern pseudo-elite. Perhaps a good middle ground for pizza and beer. The beer list looks tasty, but is already out of range with its fancy single barrels, and my menu item already hovering at $5.75 - I’ll have to drink the free soda it comes with.

The toppings here are $.75 a piece and $1.50 premium, offering little that Mellow Mushroom didn’t. Plus, the slice and a salad deal only applies to the cheaper ones, so I guess the joke’s on me. So I choose a field green salad over Caesar and side salads with balsamic dressing, a slice with roma tomatoes bringing up the rear.

The salad is as tasty as salad can be, with bright green greens and big wedges of tomato, though the overall portions are a bit scanty. The dressing is good, though not astounding.

The pizza here is exceptional but a little on the small side. You can taste the quality of the cheese and the ripeness of the tomatoes and the crust is as tasty and crunchy as a fresh icebox baguette. The pizza is so good, in fact, it inspires me to give the bitchy waitress a whole dollar in tip. Let’s just hope next time that the toppings are premium.

THE VERDICT:

De Palmas, hands down. Though they’ll look at you funny if you dress as sloppy as me, there must be some special sauce that makes the pizza taste great.