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Robert Zemeckis, Beowulf 3D

by T.O. Lawrence
11/22/2007

Seventy-two feet of digitized bloodspray rockets through the air while screams of pain echo around you, calling helpless from every side of the room. Bodies crash left and right sending out shattered swords, severed heads and splintered limbs the size of Kentucky into your lap and all you can do is sit and stare. Children scream at the sheer size of the violence while grown men roar and cheer at the magnificence of the bloody spectacle. Beside you, your mother grabs your shoulder and shields her face from an oncoming attack but there is nothing you can do for her except offer another bite of popcorn.

This is IMAX 3-D. This is the future of cinema. At least, according to James Cameron and Robert Zemeckis it is. In Zemeckis’ new Viking epic Beowulf, this motion-capture veteran uses all his old tricks and a couple of new ones to sell audiences on the idea of going to the theater again. And despite the fifteen dollar ticket and gimmicky premise, IMAX 3-D offers a unique type of cinematic immersion that no other venue can provide and, if development on this level continues, promises to put asses back into seats again, stealing them away from the futons and DVDs that they so dearly love.

With screens towering over fifty feet high and a picture that is so gorgeously clear you feel like stepping into it (Do not do this. You will fail and subsequently get sued), this is an experience that cannot be imitated by any conventional means.

Requiring special yellow-framed glasses during viewing, the image is not what you’d expect from the old school 3D. Where once were overlapped layers of blue and red are thousands of fuzzy pixels, a blurry facsimile of the picture proper. With the glasses on, however, the picture becomes as clear as crystal, bursting in layer upon layer of images which overlap to create the feeling of real life.

The movie itself is particularly honed towards 3D viewings primarily because it’s entirely computer generated. But even when projected as big as houses, the characters in the film are absolutely lifelike in tone and texture, from the pockmarks on Hrothgar’s (Anthony Hopkins) skin to the golden water dripping sinfully off Grendel’s Mother’s (Angelina Jolie) breasts. On occasion, the actors pantomime a bit much to compensate for their being animated and the eyes seem a little bit dead, but you won’t be complaining when sixty square feet of Jolie’s naughty bits come slowly walking towards you right out of the screen.

Speaking of which, there are a lot of naughty bits in this movie for being PG-13. Beowulf (Ray Winstone) spends about a third of the movie half-clothed, the other two thirds he spends hiding behind swords, spears and other phallic imagery which, predictably, thrusts right out of the screen. Breasts, as well, get some pretty nifty exhibition, but not nearly enough as far as I’m concerned. And they don’t particularly lend themselves to being tossed out violently at the audience as Zemeckis has a tendency to do.

As a result, Zemeckis has a predisposition towards overusing the 3D gimmick; tossing coins, mead and anything he can find out at the screen. This sort of pandering really hinders the brilliant writing of Rogery Avary and Neil Gaiman, who forsake a lot of dull dialogue for character development and multiple thematic layers. Though often a bit too blunt in their oral presentation of the myth versus the man (“Remember me as a man. Breakable and flawed.” Yeesh, guys.), they really have to be with Zemeckis turning the script into an action flick. Unfortunately, throughout the whole film this contestation is irritatingly apparent.

One character in particular illustrates Gaiman’s veteran hand, the terrifying, beautifully animated Grendel who, if I remember my high school lit class correctly, never really gets much showcasing in the original tale. With only a few minutes of screen time and no comprehensible dialogue, Grendel is still somehow the most compelling character in the movie, offering emotion lacking in the rest of the cast. Crispin Glover plays this role to a T and offers a monster with such astounding emotional sympathies that you probably wonder why the story wasn’t called Grendel in the first place.

With such a star-studded cast, you might think I’d say a little bit more about acting but unfortunately, there’s very little to praise. Hopkins performs well but is forgettable while Jolie oozes sex appeal, leaving any remaining acting talent for something that will get her an Oscar. Acting legend John Malkovich plays a completely wooden Unferth, Beowulf's surly foil, disappointing in almost every possible way. The title role is played fairly well by a digitally enhanced Ray Winstone who disappoints immensely after stealing the show in The Departed. He offers up a shallow hero with two primary settings, “getting laid” and “angry."

This is not necessarily a must-see movie but it is definitely one that you should see. Anything less than the 3D experience is probably going to fall a little flat (Hah!) and unless you’re willing to make the drive and spend the money, there’s no reason to see it elsewhere. This is an exhibition piece more than anything else, but offers a well-crafted example of what we might see in the future widespread level. For now, due to the mediocre acting of the cast and the gimmicky direction of Zemeckis, Beowulf has no place outside of the theater, except as another movie where Jolie has taken off her top.

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